My dear Nehemiah,
I must thank you again for your hospitality over the past five months. It has been more pleasure than I ever could have guessed staying with you. I hope my arrival, and my departure, have not caused you too great inconvenience. One day, I shall be able to thank and repay you properly. But for now I must apologize. It was never my intention to leave so suddenly, but it appears I have been careless, and others should not suffer the consequences of my faults. I know that I am being vague. I also know that you will try to stop or help me, which is why I take my leave in this manner. You need no further scandal, and I will not stand in the way of what promises to be a bright future for you and for Ampany. I will be sure to visit when everything seems secure.
Amna
Amna sat on the old couch in Nehemiah Smedley’s apartment and read her note over again. It still sounded painfully brusque, but she could think of no way to soften this blow. Glancing across the first lines, her vision slipped out of focus. She sat a moment, lost in thought, until she found her hands draped across her abdomen. Amna pulled them off quickly, and picked up her note again to keep them occupied. She stared on without reading it.
If Amna was honest with herself — a task that took more effort than she was comfortable admitting — it scared her how easily her time in Kingston had become routine. Waking up on weekdays to find Nehemiah already in the kitchen, a kettle going and four slices of bread on the second heating rune Amna had set up for them. He would say good morning, and his eyes told of how he wanted to kiss her, though his sense of propriety would not yet let his mouth follow through in the daylit hours. On weekends, she woke first, usually to find his arm across her waist and his face nuzzled between her shoulders. It was not the life she had ever pictured for herself. A younger Amna, of only twenty years or so, might have been gleeful to live with so much adoration, but today, now, it made her uneasy that he trusted her so much more than she trusted herself. And the spell yesterday had proven that trust lacking. She did not deserve so much power in Nehemiah’s life.
She read through the note again.
It would be harsh. There was no way to say “I need to leave” without sounding harsh, particularly in a written document. The idea of telling him in person flitted through her again, and again she pushed it aside. She would let herself get talked into the wrong choice if it came to that. She had already proven that she could not be trusted around Nehemiah Smedley. Just the thought of him put a marked dent in her rationality.
But that was going to stop today. Amna had already taken her few belongings to her office at the academy this morning, and had returned only to leave a note, when it occurred to her that telling no one might cause an even greater scandal than the one she was trying to avoid. Scandal, the very thing she was supposed to be keeping Raul and Nehemiah from, and here she invited it in at every step. Some seer.
Amna placed the note back on the table, stared at it for a moment, then moved it to the counter, just beside the kettle. The heating rune she’d left would last him a while. Hopefully he wouldn’t need to get it redone, or her little tips in magic would allow him to redo it himself. There, as in many places, resourcefulness and determination made up for what talent had not given him. Amna found herself smiling and standing still again, and shook her head to clear it. A note had been left. Now she needed to go.
The door opened just as Amna turned to it. She bit her tongue hard to keep her face straight.
“You’re back early,” they said at the same time. Nehemiah laughed, stooping down to take his shoes off. The click of the door behind him made Amna wince.
“Pickett Randolph never showed, the wonderful woman. Merkal’s been calling these pointless meetings for weeks now to talk policy, trying to convince the ambassadors that Norstoan is a danger along the northern border, and Randolph got the brilliant idea that the meeting couldn’t start if she wasn’t present, so she never came. He had to let us all go without a word on the subject. Mind, it was an hour of wasted time, but that’s better than three hours of warmongering to susceptible ears. So I thought I’d make dinner here and send you a note if you wanted to eat away from the mess of colleagues. Join me?”
“I… need to be back at the academy, actually,” Amna said. “That does sound lovely. I… I’ll try to be back soon. Thank you.” Amna didn’t think she sounded convincing in this protest. She forced her gaze away from Nehemiah’s disappointed expression. They edged past each other, switching places from the counter to the door.
“Some other time, maybe. I’m not a horrific cook, so I can at least match the academy food for quality.” Amna’s hand paused on the door handle. He was trying to ask her to dinner. He was trying to court her properly. There was a tightness like drowning in her chest, and her face went warm and damp. She kept it turned to the door. Her mouth moved a little of its own accord, but there was nothing she trusted herself to say without choking on the words, so she held them back. Nehemiah was still talking quietly behind her. Amna blocked his words. She would stand there all night listening to him if she let herself.
“… tell me what you like, as I haven’t been to Sudapor in years and only recall unreasonable amounts of cumin and— Do you need this?”
One foot out the door, Amna looked back despite herself, and watched in horror as Nehemiah’s expression fell. He had her note in his hand, the words turned to his face. Amna started again to leave, trying to run and managing only a very hesitant walk.
“Amna!”
She didn’t let his voice stop her, or even his hand as it brushed her arm, but kept walking as fast as she could force her feet to go.
“Are you leaving tonight? Can we please talk about this? Is there anything I can do for you?” He was doing her the kindness of being quiet, of not disturbing the neighbors and causing a scene, but his voice cracked, and Amna was certain without having to look that he was holding back tears. “At least… are you leaving Kingston? Do you have somewhere to go?”
“I’m going to transfer to Northpointe. There is an opening there for a teacher in the physical sciences. Yes, I’m certain, Nehemiah.” She turned to face him in the hallway, but the pain in his face stopped her words. He held out his hand to her. Amna let herself smile at it, then closed her eyes to control the wet, burning feeling in them, and crossed her arms over her abdomen. Silently, Nehemiah put his hand to her elbow.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish… I wish I had done this differently, but now I need to go.”
“Let me help you. Let us… Raul…” Nehemiah fumbled. Amna smiled down to him, thankful that tears didn’t fall down her cheeks yet.
“My carelessness should not affect you. Have your bright future, Nehemiah. Maybe things will settle in a year and—”
“Things are settled now. What is changing?” Amna bit her tongue again, but Nehemiah’s had was still on her arm, and he looked down when he felt her tense. She couldn’t stop her smile as she watched understanding clear his face, followed by several waves of questions and emotions. She loved watching the pieces click together. It was very personal, seeing emotions that she knew only a select few people ever got to witness. But that trust, however she cared for it, was part of the problem here. She started to pull away again.
“Whose name will you give it?” he whispered.
“I have not yet decided. Northpointe will give me the time and space I need to make this right.”
“Why not use mine? This is at least half my fault, I expect.”
“In theory that’s true, I suppose,” Amna said, laughing despite herself. “In practice, however, I don’t think I can really blame you. You would have slept five months on that couch without my encouragement. This is my carelessness and a child out of marriage—”
“Marry me.”
Nehemiah looked quite shocked by his own words, though Amna could feel that her face was a mirror of his. She raised her eyebrows to him, as he struggled to pull himself together again.
“Nehemiah—”
“I apologize,” he spoke over her. “That should have been more of a question. Would you consider marrying me?”
“You don’t have to do this. The child will be fine,” whispered Amna. She uncrossed her arms and put one hand gently to Nehemiah’s face. His skin could hide the color of his embarrassment, but not the warmth of it. Slowly, he raised his hand to cover hers.
“And if I want to?”
“You would want to toss aside all future opportunity for a seer without the foresight to use precaution in her own exploits?” Amna asked.
“If I fell in love. Yes.”
“You don’t need this scandal, Nehemiah,” Amna said, forcing the words out before they could catch in her suddenly dry throat. “Things will be difficult enough—”
“Why does this need to be a scandal?” Nehemiah asked. His face was clearing, his mouth pulling into a smile as he looked at her. He brought both hands to her shoulders and rubbed them gently. “Who would you have invited to a wedding? Any family, friends?”
“I… I’m not sure… Raul, I suppose…”
“As would I. Now, we’ve been living like this for five months, but met through Raul, each having known him for years. Who could say that we hadn’t known each other much longer. We were kissing before I knew your surname!” Nehemiah brought his hand to her face. “A ceremony would have been quiet, maybe even private. Raul could even have done the job, months ago, with no one the wiser. Rings were ordered and have just now arrived, there was no need to change your paperwork at the academy until next term, since you started mid-year anyway—”
“Nehemiah!” Amna broke in, “This is madness.”
“This is tactics. Raul thinks this will be my job. I might as well get practicing,” he answered.
“I have a ring. It was my great-aunt’s. I don’t know a spell to resize, but someone—”
“I do.”
Amna’s cheeks were wet after all, and she thought, even in the dim hallway lantern-light, Nehemiah’s looked streaked as well. She rubbed his cheek with one hand, and let the other fall back to her abdomen. Nehemiah trailed his right hand down to cover it there.
“Do you know?” he whispered.
“A son. I used a spell, I haven’t seen…” Amna let her voice fade. Nehemiah was looking at her with open wonder, his eyes alight in unmistakable joy. She felt her mouth move and heard her voice with no idea what it was saying. “I could fall in love with you.”
For now, for this moment, it did not feel like the wrong choice. Amna moved her hand to press his against her stomach, and was wholly, wonderfully surprised as Nehemiah Smedley finally got past his own propriety and kissed her.